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The Gasp of Cluelessness

I marvel at the poignancy of uncertainty. Have you ever thought you had something “figured out”, categorized, written off into “never question again” territory , only to realize in a “grand-scale-kind-of-way” that you were clueless? You might even gasp upon realization that facts were missing from your analysis? (It’s a beautiful gasp, I might add) Maybe spirit was missing? heart was missing? Something major was undetected; obscured from your understanding and view? Yeah, me too.

It might be that you had taken some option off of the table.  Pragmatic choice.  Ease of life decision. Understandable. Until it’s not. Some would site this categorization as laziness. Some, security. I tend to think that until we are drawn in, awakened by an ‘aha- moment”,  that “we meant well”. The good news is, I believe there’s grace for this moment. I am so grateful for that.


when the dawning comes, what will you do? Pretend? Act like you’re still “sure” even if you’re not? Is honesty something to be ashamed of?  I think not. Honesty is crucial. Humility hangs here in this space- Humility is a resource for growth.

I don’t know it all. Even in my epiphanies, I am so limited. Maybe that is the most valuable understanding in life. The goal isn’t knowledge (contrary to popular opinion). It’s so much deeper. When we’re tempted to make judgments about others in their decisions, that’s probably a BIG clue. We’re probably WAAAAAAY off-base. Yep, grand gestures of “sure-ness” are sure to humble us. Judgments are futile.


Just stop.

You are not designed to instruct the world. Give it a rest. You are designed for something much greater.

I know, this can be discouraging. If the goal is superiority, surety, loftiness, this will definitely feel like failure. uggghhhh. BUT, If the goal is growth, love, connection… a smile just crossed your lips. The gavel dropped from your hand. You crossed into new territory. (SMILE) The relief you feel is real. (deep breath). Welcome to a new way of living. I know, the colors are magical, are they not? Take it all in.

Can I just say, there is something more sure than promises and hopes, pressures and expectations  passed from human to human? You’ve been told this by those who NEED to believe it’s true. You know there is more. There is something more powerful and fulfilling- a SPIRIT alive within you. Do not be afraid of it. There is a love, peace, hope and joy written upon your soul. Look at it. Cry. Savor it . Sure, some may ridicule you to scorn for listening to the stillness within.  Let them. It is the only path to peace. It is all that will matter eventually. Those that REALLY love you will cheer you on.

Freedom recognizes freedom.

Freedom recognizes freedom,

yes, freedom recognizes freedom!!!!!!

You were born for this. Know it. Trust it. Search for it.



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2 Leaves in the Windshield

autumn-falling-leaf-2Leaves, glorious leaves. I can’t get enough of their vibrancy. Here in Colorado we have some trees that aren’t deciduous and they stay dark and green year round. In some ways this highlights the color of the changing trees. The dark backdrop is perfect to showcase the red and golds.  So much of life is about contrast and perspectives.  “Aha” moments settle upon us in the most unique ways.

I left work on Thursday with a little heaviness. As I pulled out of the parking lot I saw two golden leaves hinged in my windshield wipers. They made me smile and relieved my mind for a minute.  But I hated the thought that they were trapped. As I drove I could see a good portion of both leaves were free and fluttering with the wind from the car ride. They weren’t huge leaves but because of where I sat, they looked bigger than the massive trees in the distance. In MY view, they were “large and in charge” so to speak,  and impacted my world.

With their veins prominent and intricate, they were my close reminder of the beauty of fall. 2 little leaves. 

Is it too far-fetched to draw life lessons here? Sometimes the tiny things can bring the most impact, not because of size but because of the where/when they enter life. All at the same time I was reminded of my minuscule part in this world but also the potential massive impact I could have. True, I can’t be everything to everybody, but I can be someone to somebody. I can make a difference in my sphere-my windshield. 🙂  Are you downplaying your influence? Are you shining brightly on the windshield where seem to be”trapped”. Yes, there are many things about this life you don’t get to choose, but wow! There are so many things you CAN choose. Let that sink in…it may take awhile, huh?

I secretly wished for the leaves to become free and float to some beautiful resting cemetery of their own choosing. But they only move with help from without. I thought about choosing a place for their final rest, but there is the matter of the wind. Wind has it’s way, it’s beautiful way of swirling and dancing. It is truly strength and beauty and I’m powerless in comparison. So I let them stay on my car, riding around with me, reminding me of seasons and the tension between contentment and contending for change.  There are so many lessons there, imbedded in the leaves.

I didn’t get to witness their exit from the windshield. Yesterday evening only one remained.  I smiled and silently cheered at the thought of release, and the mystery of it. When did it leave and where did it land? Today as I dropped Brooke at work, I looked, and to my surprise, the other was gone as well.

You never know when the freedom keys will turn the lock. You just never know.

Funny the friends we make though life’s seasons.