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The Gasp of Cluelessness

I marvel at the poignancy of uncertainty. Have you ever thought you had something “figured out”, categorized, written off into “never question again” territory , only to realize in a “grand-scale-kind-of-way” that you were clueless? You might even gasp upon realization that facts were missing from your analysis? (It’s a beautiful gasp, I might add) Maybe spirit was missing? heart was missing? Something major was undetected; obscured from your understanding and view? Yeah, me too.

It might be that you had taken some option off of the table.  Pragmatic choice.  Ease of life decision. Understandable. Until it’s not. Some would site this categorization as laziness. Some, security. I tend to think that until we are drawn in, awakened by an ‘aha- moment”,  that “we meant well”. The good news is, I believe there’s grace for this moment. I am so grateful for that.


when the dawning comes, what will you do? Pretend? Act like you’re still “sure” even if you’re not? Is honesty something to be ashamed of?  I think not. Honesty is crucial. Humility hangs here in this space- Humility is a resource for growth.

I don’t know it all. Even in my epiphanies, I am so limited. Maybe that is the most valuable understanding in life. The goal isn’t knowledge (contrary to popular opinion). It’s so much deeper. When we’re tempted to make judgments about others in their decisions, that’s probably a BIG clue. We’re probably WAAAAAAY off-base. Yep, grand gestures of “sure-ness” are sure to humble us. Judgments are futile.


Just stop.

You are not designed to instruct the world. Give it a rest. You are designed for something much greater.

I know, this can be discouraging. If the goal is superiority, surety, loftiness, this will definitely feel like failure. uggghhhh. BUT, If the goal is growth, love, connection… a smile just crossed your lips. The gavel dropped from your hand. You crossed into new territory. (SMILE) The relief you feel is real. (deep breath). Welcome to a new way of living. I know, the colors are magical, are they not? Take it all in.

Can I just say, there is something more sure than promises and hopes, pressures and expectations  passed from human to human? You’ve been told this by those who NEED to believe it’s true. You know there is more. There is something more powerful and fulfilling- a SPIRIT alive within you. Do not be afraid of it. There is a love, peace, hope and joy written upon your soul. Look at it. Cry. Savor it . Sure, some may ridicule you to scorn for listening to the stillness within.  Let them. It is the only path to peace. It is all that will matter eventually. Those that REALLY love you will cheer you on.

Freedom recognizes freedom.

Freedom recognizes freedom,

yes, freedom recognizes freedom!!!!!!

You were born for this. Know it. Trust it. Search for it.



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Unlikely Neighbors

from Trey Ratcliff at







Some were old, others young when they moved to the neighborhood.  I found it odd, this eclectic bunch– bound by what they could not control.  For the most part, we don’t get to decide a lot of things. This very fact should take root and change the landscape of our heart. Humble us? Sober us? Maybe open us up to the truth that we are all so much more alike than not. So much none of us control: which clouds will float above, and what weather will be ushered above us, how will the crops do this year and will we be understood by those we love the most…? Uncontrollable things. This list is mighty long and grows in my mind. I don’t highlight this to misrepresent responsibility, but to recognize a valuable truth.

Walking and meandering the dirt paths in this neighborhood, I think to myself  “houses so small for the beauty they hold”. Unlikely neighbors marked with ornate marble. Yes, they are chiseled with letters and numbers but to be honest, I wish for more. I always do.  These unlikely neighbors have reminded me of what I have known but forgotten.

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My objection to the “should never marry” lists

wow.  I just read some articles in Charisma Magazine that have gone “viral” listing what kind of man/woman to avoid for marriage. (Side note: 8 kinds of women on the avoid list; 10 kinds of men on the avoid list.)  You have probably seen them circulating on FB. Maybe I’m just one of those who believes a little too optimistically, but I found this so extremely disturbing.

1. disturbing that there were only X amount of things on the lists (if you’re gonna make one), and then 2. that there was a list at all.  Really?

This is how a Christian should pursue the “who to marry” question? A checklist of negative attributes? Run your love through the list to see if they “pass”?  I don’t know.  I am left bewildered and not even sure if I can articulate all of the “why”.

Don’t shoot! I’m not saying that there was not some level of practical wisdom there, but there was something strangely missing.

What was the missing ingredient? I’m wondering if at its root, humility is missing?  There is no one better than another.  Oh, you’ve never been in need of rescue from addiction?  No? Yes, yes you have! Oh, you meant substance/porn abuse? That’s different.  My bad.  I didn’t realize we were ranking sins in a list of gravity(just like Jesus did, right?). I am trying not to be sarcastic here, but I am so stinkin’ tired of lists.  Lists give you a very false sense of security.  STOP.  Put down the list and pray.  Ask God to show you what only he can reveal.  Don’t pretend a list can determine the answer to this important question. What does Jesus want? What he seems to dive in deep for, is faith.  Unadulterated, free-falling, jump-off-the-cliff-kind of faith and trust; a pursuit and connection with HIM that LEADS you.  Do not fear my dear. His love will cast that fear from you.  Don’t be afraid that he will not give you peace when it comes to finding a partner in life. Fear cultivates lists.  Trust cultivates listening.

I see in scripture that God guides.  He does not give lists. When He does (10 commandments, for example), it’s to prove TO US THAT WE ARE IN NEED OF HIM. He asks heart questions to bring us to a place of understanding of our own need, not to measure other people!! God gives grace to the humble. No grace to those trying to hide their faults. Just sayin’ darlin’.

The invisible list confirmed in our hearts will be one that we can trust; a guidance from the One who knows us and our potential spouse…Not one penned by men who want us to feel superior about our choice as if we are making an appliance purchase.  dear me. Truth is, we all know marriages that passed some kind of “list test”, only to then utterly fail. If we were scrutinized by someone’s list, we wouldn’t be chosen for marriage either… because are all in need…We are all at times the addictive, materialistic, diva, delilah…woman. (gasp)

God give us grace.  Because that is what we really need.

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If I were a hypnotist…

If I were a hypnotist, I know where I would want to take my clients.  I know it sounds a little odd, but it would be for good reason. I would have them breathe deep, and ask the necessary questions so that they could return to childhood. Oh wait,  I hear the scoffers already, “I had a horrible childhood”.  Ok, even if there was a horrid mess in childhood, I would search for that one moment where there was still one little inkling, just an inkling, of hope. Why? Well we seem to forget about this treasured place.  What would you be like, if you could forget the feeling of “left out”, “not good enough”, “compared to”, or “overlooked”. I would find the “before” place, where there lived



and forgiveness.  

Where there lived abandoned, unashamed awe for beauty, just like we read in the fairy tales.  

That is where I’d take the world.  And if I could gather from that perfect place and pull into the reality of the present, I would wrap this gift in the finest of wrapping paper and throw the best, intimate party one has ever known.  I would record these words from Jesus “Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven”, because we need this reminder in every phase of life.  

A child’s humility lies not in thinking she is nothing.  No, a child who is humble knows she is worthy of love. She freely ASKS…and receives.