Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I haven’t written a lot about my journey from sickness to health. Honestly, it’s not really fun to talk about pain and weakness, is it? But maybe that’s why it’s even more important to talk about it. We all have this common bond of understanding pain.  Maybe you’ve had the flu. Remember that undeniable feeling of panic-“just make it stop” sentiment? When we’re on the other side, we just want to forget that that moment ever happened.  The problem with that is that there are people, good people, around you who are “in the thick of it”…feeling left out, alone, and tired of the struggle. One of the hardest things that happen to us in this life, is to become helpless.  It’s humbling, and quite the teacher.  I think it’s important to go there again, even if just to empathize with those hurting around us. Sure, lets give them advice, be an advocate for health, nutrition and hope, but be vulnerable enough to be honest about how it felt. Those are very different things.

My journey back to health involves doing a “treatment” each week. The treatment is harmless enough-exposing myself to an hour of energy currents that attack the Lyme bacteria. The great part-It kills the bacteria.  The only down side is that your body has to rid itself of the toxins created from this die-off, which make you feel sick for a while. (Two steps forward, one step back).  The progress is undeniable. When I was diagnosed (after being so sick for year and a half) I was hopeful that I finally received a diagnosis, but my treatment options seemed dismal. It had affected so many systems by this point. Years of antibiotic treatment that may or may not work ?huh? I started doing research on top treatments for chronic Lyme.  The Rife machine was #1. By “happenstance”my in-laws had just bought one for an elderly aunt who was fighting cancer. She was in end stage and really didn’t use it. My in-laws sent me use this machine…this was no coincidence! When I first started, after a treatment I would be “down” for days-fever, headache, joint aches, heart skipping etc…like a flu. But then I would experience days of feeling so much better-energy, appetite, fewer symptoms. I kept this up and have continued to get better.  After a treatment, it would be a few hours of a headache, and one I could live with. A few months ago I slacked off of doing a weekly treatment. I was having thyroid, hormonal issues and just let the “Lyme treatment” wait. In hindsight, that wasn’t a good decision. I am back on schedule now, but am having a little longer recovery time. This lesson for me mirrors so many others in life.  Don’t let go of the important things. It’s not easy to get back. You have to walk back through previously conquered territory and conquer again. So, lesson learned. But,two steps forward, one step back…is still progress. It’s doable.

My heart aches for those who are in constant pain-physical or otherwise.  For a minute I let myself remember the darkness, feeling the helplessness, but then I also see the faces of the ones who listened, loved and supported me. The richness of that memory is priceless.  Blessings as you remember your pain and use it to empathize with someone who needs you.

8 thoughts on “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

  1. Sonya,
    Thanks for sharing your journey.I too am battling w/hard to diagnose symptoms.I’m on the journey of trying to find answers and it is not easy.The amount of appointments you have to make and the process of elimination alone are enough to leave you fatigued.I’m going to share this w/my little sister who battles Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.


  2. Thanks for sharing this. I find it hard sometimes to be vulnerable with those who don’t understand chronic pain and illness. Your encouragement for compassion and understanding is refreshing. I have had fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome for 16 years. I am constantly on a journey to find improved health and have found some success. And I am forever grateful for the love and support I have from family also! Thank you for taking the time to share this today. It blessed me!


    1. Ann, thank you for your kind words. I didn’t know about your struggle (I plan to read your blog). I will pray for you as you find that balance of caring for yourself and your busy family! Blessings.


  3. Thanks for this Sonya…praying for you! At this time I’m going to a doctor of Chinese medicine. He is treating me with acupuncture, specific diet (paleo), oral chelation for heavy metals (which gives many of the side effects you mentioned for your treatments), detoxing, fastings, etc. Long term treatments for autoimmune (psoriatic arthritis, hashimotos, etc). So far so good, but I def relate to what you posted, so true! What keeps me going besides my faith in God, is picturing a doctor on one hand with all his horrible prescription drugs for my conditions, and my practitioner on the other hand with a strict regimen, but I have my own body and mind that is not controlled by drugs…hope in the natural healing of my own body…learning more daily about my God. Easy choice! love ya!


  4. Sonya, I’ve watched you go through all this from a very close vantage point. Your determination and grace in the midst of this are nothing short of miraculous. Thank you for your willingness to take the “coursework” that your creator has assigned. You are beautiful and becoming more beautiful every day.

    Your Sweetie forever.


    1. Honey, how to even reply is beyond me. You’ve loved me in the good and bad, supported me sacrificially…I could go on. I am so thankful to be the recipient of such miraculous, marvelous, God-given traits. Thank you!


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