Truth and emotion seem like warring nations to my “hormonal” self. I know truth “should” win, right? But sometimes in my life, it doesn’t. I give all the “ammunition” to emotion. It’s just easier. It’s what I feel like doing. Confusion sets in. Truth, emotion, truth, emotion? What to do? Hey,…where did this “ammunition” come from anyway? I hate dilemmas.
Last night I imagined my life lived in an ocean; an ocean where in the bottom depths of the sea lives “truth”. Sometimes (most of the time) it’s hard to swim down there, but so worth the effort. “Truth” is so…strong, solid, beautiful, awesome! Once there, I feel the effort was worth it. Above the water, I find “emotion”. It’s pretty easy to get there. I kick a little and I just “pop up” there, before I know it. “Emotion” is also strong,even exciting, but very erratic, sometimes even scary. One minute, it can be the most beautiful sunny experience, and in the next, the worst storm imaginable. Living there is very unpredictable and yet somehow I’m drawn there. Living on the bottom (where truth lives) is as stable as the ocean floor…always there, always steady, but a lot of effort to stay there on my own. I am realizing something,… that both places are there for a reason. Why do I feel torn deciding where to go? That is so much pressure and work. I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way. This is the problem: The idea that I am in control. Think with me for a moment. God is not the author of this war, is He? He wants me to know truth so I can enjoy emotion. He wants me to swim…gracefully trusting Him, moving at His rythym and with His tide. That is not a hard life. That is effortless–when someone else controls the ocean currents of my life. I guess I only thought I could control it; therein lies the real problem. God made us emotional beings so we could enjoy this life, not be in bondage because of it. Without emotion we would be robots; incapable of showing love or feeling love, but without truth we are in peril of never knowing God and His love. Wow…knowing truth gives us the ability to trust someone other than ourself, someone who orchestrated this ocean in the first place. God made both places and everything in between. If I let Him, He carries me to the depths to know the surety of his promises, then He propels me upward to breathe deeply and enjoy the sunshine. Both are ok. Both speak of His love. Both are His doing at His perfect timing. Both are necessary to living life fully. I purpose anew to rid myself of this supposed “ammunition”. Thinking it’s there is only a dart from the enemy; this idea that I have to pick sides. There is no war after all. God balances them both in perfect harmony…if I let Him. If I trust Him, He takes me where He wants me to go.